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The Words I Didn't Mean

Your last steps seemed to echo
While I watched you walk away
You're leaving me in our love's shadow
And all I can feel is a piece of me break away

The shock starts to sink in
Every pore is conquered
A fissure begins within
I'm torn asunder

-
Liquid memories drip from my face
My heart will always remember this kind of pain
The love that was shown on this day will remain in vain

I didn't know how much passion could weigh
Or the damage it could do when it betrays
Fused with the words that I never even wanted to say

Compassionless by nature / A lonesome torture
Unloved by liars / Sought by manipulators

Breathing in shards / Tearing out hearts
Caught off-guard / Soul is scarred


The regrets won't let me breathe
The thick tears protect me from what I don't want to see
This fresh wound over my chest is where your place used to be

Pathetically rooted by my knees
I reach for you through the debris
Even though there's no one who can salvage me

-
Remembering that look in your eyes
The love I had for you starts pouring out
I tried too hard to keep us a part of each others lives
But there is no going back now

This hole in my chest is now my resting place
We both made sure to dig it deep
I can't reverse the mistakes I have made
And I can't take back the words I didn't mean
I can't erase the memories from my mind
I can't fill the hole you left in my life
______________________________________________
Stock image used - [link] by - :icontwigstock:
Texture used - [link] by - :iconstaypuftmuffin:
______________________________________________
This poem is written for my project, titled "Broken Wings Unbound: I'm Falling Down / I'm Soaring Now"
In volume four: Lost Love

A Sleepless Night
A Sleepless Night
(That Will Never Alight)

This same old nightmare that I grimly fear
An image of my life haunted by your shadows

I'm frozen in place, waiting for daylight to soon appear
But I don't know if I'm ready to take on another loveless tomorrow

Why am I the one who suffers when you're not even really here?
I should not have to be the one inflicted by your falsely bestowed sorrow
-
You made and broke every one of those promises
You left even though you knew that you'd be greatly missed

You were not the one saying that you're so sorry
You were not the one who was left crying uncontrollably

You didn't feel your heart being
Heartsbane
Heartsbane

Being around you like I am
It's a sensation I can hardly stand
Passed the point of torture, which I can barely pretend
So I have you show you I'm okay, and that I'm doing the best I can

This weight of my heart's world
Harboring all of these scars, new and old
And it contains countless secrets that I try and hold
Which I continue to endure alone, because I sold my soul
-
This pain is my peace
That's why I need you, please

Your hope divides the fear
So I will always depend on you being here

But I'm so afraid
To let myself love someone again

Because my hands are still stained
From all of those heavy tears that rained

______________________________________________
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:iconerco71:
erco71 Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Like words from my own heart..<3..faved of course:)
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:iconsurvivingnights:
SurvivingNights Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:D
Yeah...this was one of "those" kinds of poems...and by "those" I mean it's something I based from personal experiences. </3
I'm glad you found it to your liking, though. It means a lot!
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:iconerco71:
erco71 Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Welcome ..:):hug:
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:iconsyguy2013:
SyGuy2013 Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This is very beautiful! A lot of people are going to relate to this, for everyone experiences that in some way or another. Great job, way to pull at the heartstrings.

Is it ok if I feature this on my blog? I'll credit you.
Reply
:iconsurvivingnights:
SurvivingNights Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Of course you can. And thank you for the encouraging feedback! it means a lot.
Reply
:icondebidebdebdeb:
debidebdebdeb Featured By Owner May 25, 2012
For my bes friend- PLEASE let me be with you. Dont go through this alone my love. I need you. I want to be with you in sickness and in health, till desth do us part. I will go with you. I don't want to lie wihout you and every day now is a living hell. Why cant I help you? Please let me try. Do you think I would still e here unless my love was inconditional . I love you. I would rarher be with you, experiencing mental illness, than not be with you at all.
Reply
:iconoconpo0:
oconpo0 Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2012
Absolutely love this :)
Reply
:iconsurvivingnights:
SurvivingNights Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm humbled by your compliment! <3 Thank you.
Reply
:iconhikarinomelody:
HikariNoMelody Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012
The person walking away's perspective:

A single burst of rage and your woods cut through my soul,
everything broke and nothing was neither untouched nor whole.
With that, I felt pain which flared into defense, anger, and cold.
I was hurt and rash, my emotions I could not hold.
I swiftly turned around and said my final good byes.
And I walked away, tears on the rim of my eyes.
Only when I was far away did I realize what I had done.
I left you, my true love, my other half, my only one
with a cold shoulder I walked away, without a look back
but now reality hit me and my knees went slack.
I couldn't hold back the tears as I thought you would never take me back in
after all that had happened, how angry you had been.
I couldn't find my breathe, nothing was set right
and I had purposely extinguished my one and only light.
I wanted to go back, but how could you ever forgive me?
After all I did and how I left you so swiftly
when I could've just stayed and disregarded that remark
and realization hit me, painfully sharp, cruelly stark
As I knew that I had lost you and I broke down in despair
My own heart I wanted to wrench and tear.
I wanted to be at your side once more
But if you didn't want me back, then what for?
I rejected you, I was stupid, I was reckless and unbound
and under my painful regret was I drowned.
I wish I could go back, take back my actions, to see you once more
as I cry in agonizing pain, suffering from a broken core
please forgive me, and take me back once more
Reply
:iconsurvivingnights:
SurvivingNights Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
</3

I really liked your direction on the other perspective. It's like both wanted to try and get each other back, but were afraid of the answer. Really creative, and it's kind of a little twist.
Reply
:iconhikarinomelody:
HikariNoMelody Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2012
thank you! when I was reading it, I was like "oh my god the other person must've been hurt too~" and then it turned out like that.
That, and I think my global teacher is rubbing off on me, because she always says to argue the point from multiple sides.
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:iconmanigran:
Manigran Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I can definitely hear this poem as a song. Well done.
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:iconsurvivingnights:
SurvivingNights Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:P I've been getting that impression from readers lately.
hmmmmmmmmm. :D
Thank you!
Reply
:iconmanigran:
Manigran Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome.
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:iconmichel-le-fou:
Michel-le-fou Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012  Professional Writer
Now comes the awaited comment by a fellow writer. Yes, your preview picture is cool. Your style of expression in this poem is also very interesting, and I can feel your emotion. I feel also the suggestion of lyrics, if you were considering submitting that way too. You are the second poet I remember reading who used both italics and bold font together to generate an effect, and you both did fairly well. Congrats!

B++
Reply
:iconsurvivingnights:
SurvivingNights Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:) Thank you for your keen insight.
Lately I've been playing around with the idea of possibly considering some of the lines as lyrics. I've just been influenced by my favorite bands that have multiple vocalists.

I'm very relieved that you enjoyed this piece. :)
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:iconmichel-le-fou:
Michel-le-fou Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012  Professional Writer
It was very amusing and yes suited to music. Do proceed. I was in that vein a while too.,
Reply
:iconllombard17:
llombard17 Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012
:'( this is exactly how I reacted when my girlfriend said she wanted to go back to just being friends... I almost commit suicide then, knowing that she didn't love me in the same way... the only thing that was stopping me was my twin sister and the miniscule hope that she would let me come back...
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:iconsurvivingnights:
SurvivingNights Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:'(
It's always heartbreaking when you love a person that much. Double-edged in a way.
Are you both still friends?
Reply
:iconllombard17:
llombard17 Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2012
She says we are... but we only communicate by email... and even that is very rare... She's in college, and where I live the college is down the mountain from the high school, so we never see each other... I haven't seen her since the week before she said we should go back to being friends, and that was almost 5 months ago....
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:iconjanosevic:
janosevic Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013
It is always hard to let go after you get used to a person and share your life with her, but she is not the only girl out there, you should not have suicidal thoughts just because of that one girl. I bet you that your life can't be worn out just by one person. There is so much to see out there and to experience, when you compere that to that girl, she just becomes a mere dust speck in your life.
Reply
:iconsyguy2013:
SyGuy2013 Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Life/love/meeting new people is and can be hell, but it is the people around us that keep us going. Social anxiety to me is actually the fear of being hurt. I still have some problems with social anxiety myself, but I haven't been having as hard of a time with it as I used to. It would take me weeks to really start talking to new people, but now it only takes a few days. Try talking to people that live around the same area that you do. It can really help you deal with the social anxiety, and open you up more. I have had a crush on a girl from 5th grade until high school. Countless times she told me that she just wanted to be friends, and that did hurt me. It hurt even more seeing her with other guys, but I eventually started being happy with just seeing her happy. Her and I are still friends today, and I tell her that I love her as a friend now as often as I can.

Relationships are hard to start, but they are even harder to end. Keep in touch with her, and tell her how much her friendship means to you when you can. From what I read, it seems like you two aren't that far away from each other. I suggest trying to arrange days that both of you can hang out with each other. Things will get much better, and if she truly likes having you as a friend, then she should be in your life for a very long time.
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:iconllombard17:
llombard17 Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013
but to me she's always been more than that... she was one of my first true friends in this hellhole of a back-water school. I have social anxiety so to make friends is truly a blessing because I don't want to be alone my entire life, but interactions of any kind make me just want to go home and crawl into bed and hide. That's why her being distant bothers me more than it would another person. She is one of my only friends, and I don't want to lose her... :(
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:iconkimiyotaramehollows:
KimiyoTarameHollows Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012  Student Artist
cool picture.... ^^;
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:iconsurvivingnights:
SurvivingNights Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks :D
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