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Submitted on
February 17, 2013
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I'm Soaring Now

This is a different level of fear
It's wounding my truth and morality

It's strong enough to bring me here
On the edge of life- peering over to serenity

It's not impossible to grasp
But it's typical to assume

The last breath is the fact
That after death- peace will follow soon
-
Countless flashing memories
Crossover swiftly
Ready to be set free
From this skin of...treachery

Fade/Fade/Fade

My scars peel off
Erased from my sight
The remains become soft
So this is what...innocence feels like

Wake/Wake/Wake

Destiny is somehow connected
Fate deems to be natural
The circle of the two is perfected
The beginning to the end is...peaceful

Raise/Raise/Raise
-
I offer and accept my own form of mercy
Before I miss out on forgiving the vulnerable side of me

Splitting and fusing fragments of calming memories
I would like to believe my life was somehow worthy

My tears have aligned with my eyes in this time-
To finally leave all that I loved...behind

And when I finally let it all go...
I won't feel the pain...anymore
It all drizzles down to the very last moments
It's peaceful...knowing there's always an ending
__________________________________________
Stock image - by :iconjusticestock:
__________________________________________
This poem is written for my project, titled-
"Broken Wings Unbound: I'm Falling Down / I'm Soaring Now"

This is the last poem for the book, to read the first poem, which is the opposite of this one,
check it out here --->
I'm Falling Down
I'm Falling Down

Pain just seemed to pass me by
Swift as tsunami waves touching the sky

Reality was nothing but a mirror
Melting away like frozen water on fading fire

I closed my sorrowful eyes
As if it was going to be the last time

And sparked images of my past that I don't want to remember
I was deceived every time I was told that it was going to get better
-
Flashes of agony
Infected my mind
And stinging anxiety
Shoots up my spine

Breathe/Breathe/Breathe

While despair wraps around my heart
I want to let it all go
This life was just too hard
I don't want it anymore

Please/Please/Please

There was no way out of this
I so

__________________________________________
Check out my galleries below if you want to read more.
Watch me if you think that you might like my future work.
:iconimmortalizedlies: :iconominoushero: :iconrainbowizedsky: :iconhollowfiedlife:
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:iconfantasylover103:
Okay, I am the worlds worst critique writer, but hey, I'll give it a shot.

The meaning of this poem was very powerful and it hit me like THUD the beauty of it. Honestly it was beautiful, I have no idea how else to describe it.

The font differences was a very clever move on your part I really enjoyed it. Besides the fact that it really made your poem shine I felt like it added to the meaning. I don't know if that was just me or what but it was beautiful. I don't know if this is just a coincidence but I also noticed that you grouped the words a bit differently, and that was very enjoyable too.

I also see a bit of near rhyming in a bit of the parts, which I found to be very creative. :3 The last part really struck me,

And when my eyes finally close
I won't feel pain anymore


I found that part to be absolutely beautiful, the perfect way to end a wonderful poem. I loved this. Keep up the great work!!!
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
13 out of 13 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconthelunardragon:
Critique by TheLunarDragon Feb 17, 2013, 4:12:14 PM
This Critique is on behalf of :iconpoeticalcondition:

Vision: 5/5

When I read the description and realized that this was a part of a series, I thought to myself "What a wonderful idea." I never really see people posting a series of poetry. Very clever, and for that I gave you a full five stars in this category.

Originality: 4/5

This score is more a reflection of the subject matter more than you abilities as a writer. Typically when I see subject matter that I find commonplace, I dock a point. Nothing personal.

Technique: 5/5

We are back to five here because you are clearly able to properly operate a metaphor, you kept the piece clean and concise, and allowed it to flow together almost seamlessly.

Impact: 5/5

All things considered this is a piece that I believe will resonate well with the majority of your readers. This piece certainly did so for me! Keep up the good work!

(Bonus: I loved that this piece almost sounded lyrical in my head, it could easily be made into a song)
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
12 out of 13 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:icondancingninjabunnies:
dancingninjabunnies Feb 22, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This is beautiful...
Reply
:iconsurvivingnights:
SurvivingNights Feb 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you.
I'm so happy that you found this to your liking. :)
Reply
:icondancingninjabunnies:
dancingninjabunnies Feb 25, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome. Beautiful imagery, and flows off the tongue.
Reply
:iconwinterleave:
WinterLeave Feb 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Great!!
Reply
:iconsurvivingnights:
SurvivingNights Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks!!
Reply
:iconwinterleave:
WinterLeave Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome!
Reply
:iconthepuzzledboy:
ThePuzzledBoy Feb 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Very nice. Emo, but very nice
Reply
:iconsurvivingnights:
SurvivingNights Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Heh, well I'm glad you were able to enjoy it.
Reply
:iconshadowmaker-241:
ShadowMaker-241 Feb 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I like the way you use HTML formatting for a more dramatic view :)
Reply
:iconsurvivingnights:
SurvivingNights Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
It's something that I try and add for more of an effect. I'm happy to see that it works every now and then.
Thank you. :)
Reply
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