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Submitted on
August 23, 2012
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I'm Falling Down

Tears just seemed to pass me by
Swift as tsunami waves touching the sky

Reality was nothing but a mirror
Melting away like frozen water on fading fire

I let out a destructive sigh
Triggering the nightmares I kept inside

The memories that I don't want to remember
I deceived myself whenever I tried to keep it together
-
Seethe/Seethe/Seethe
Images of agony
Infected my mind
And stinging anxiety
Shoots up my spine

Breathe/Breathe/Breathe
Despair wrapped around my heart

And it wouldn't let me go
Peace was just too far
I can't take this anymore

Please/Please/Please

I redefined self-hatred
I somehow cornered myself
I always existed in darkness
I was my own martyr who fell

Free/Free/Free
-
I had to rip all the paths away
I have to force myself astray

So abandonment won't know where I am
The questions of being alone will become transparent

Condemning one another was just too much for me
All against one and one against all is the moral of society

So I'm taking this leap of faith
With a genuine smile paving the way
This is the end
I've done all I can
_____________________
Follow my poetry facebook page - [link]
_____________________
Stock image - [link]
_____________________
This poem is the first page for my project -
"Broken Wings Unbound: I'm Falling Down, I'm Soaring Now"
In volume one: Exiled Existence
_____________________
Check out my galleries below if you want to read more.
Watch me if you think that you might like my work.
:iconfeardomized: :iconchainoflies: :iconhollowedsky:
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:iconxanthiab:
Unusual format and a wonderful rhyme scheme are only two of the things that define I'm Falling Down by HollowedSky.

Brilliantly evocative with the sensory imagery (which included metaphors and similes open to interpretation), the poem moves from steady stanzas to broken sentences by use of enjambment. The deviant's use of repetition and then the break in the rhyme scheme at the very end serve to keep the reader attracted to reading the poem to the very end.

Maybe it's about despairing after heartbreak. Maybe it's to rally one's emotions after devastating events. Or maybe it's just a poem jotted down as a doodle and then typed onto dA. I don't know, and I think only the deviant can answer this themselves.

Read it. Visualize it. See what you think.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
5 out of 5 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconeliastone:
Eliastone Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2014  Student Artist
If I give you credit for the poetry could I make a song out of this?
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:iconsurvivingnights:
SurvivingNights Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Of course you have my permission to turn this into a song. I would really like to hear the final product that you come up with. :D
Reply
:iconeliastone:
Eliastone Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2014  Student Artist
im not much of a singer so it probably wont have any vocalists but i'll most definitely send you the instrumentals i came up with when it's done!
Reply
:iconsurvivingnights:
SurvivingNights Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
It's totally fine. :P I'm still looking forward to the outcome. :D
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:iconsnake--bites:
Snake--Bites Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Wow, this really struck me hard. I am an Oral Interperer. That basically means I interpret literature using vocal, visual, and facial expression. Going on from that, I could really imagine myself doing this piece, it felt like a piece that could become extremely successful. I can say-without a doubt- that this is my favorite poem (going along with I'm soaring now. Even more, I would definitely buy your book. It's hard to get me hooked on anything so hard and so fast, but you managed to do it. I would just like to confirm. Once you finish this project, would you update us on where we could get it? ( I'm watching you now)
Good luck, you have certainly drawn my attention! (:
Reply
:iconsurvivingnights:
SurvivingNights Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is the third revision for this poem. The first two versions were very similar to each other, but this version is it's own. And I plan on staying with this version. I realize that I captured something different with this piece. I know it's stronger than most of my work, and I'm glad for that. :)

I wanted the book to start out on a strong note. It really is hard topping this kind of beginning. Ending it with "I'm Soaring Now" I do hope that I did it some decency.

On the more important subject- I will update everyone when the project is finished and it will be going into printing. A side note: I have been building up a small mailing list. I was never planning on selling the book, what I did with my first book, I just gave it away for free. If you wanted more information on this, just note me anytime!
Reply
:iconmzvpain:
MzVPain Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Professional Writer
Wow, the picture is what made me click, but the dramatic poetry is what made me comment. Once again you have described a situation any man or woman could experience, yet perhaps not express.
Reply
:iconsurvivingnights:
SurvivingNights Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you, I'm so glad you were able to enjoy it. It has been through many rewrites of these past few years.
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:iconmzvpain:
MzVPain Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Professional Writer
I would like to share one of my darkest selection
Frustration
Bladed bows fiddle over forearms
strong red tones ooze forward sending up alarms
Eyes like stars lighting at this sight
tears run as stars' tails shooting through the night
Heart like shattered gklass, a glittering mess
Broken in pieces and Scattered no less
More hateful words to hide the pain
more isolation to avoid the strain
of concerned looks and worried stares
Never fear my knife soaks up my cares
The pain without eats alive the pain within
And with each slice, an old worry ends
by VPAIN

(I would never cut me now. ) I would also like to invite you to check out my author page. I have added a video with yet another of my own favorites.

[link]
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:iconsurvivingnights:
SurvivingNights Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Wow, that poem is really something else. It has a lot of imagination in it, and by that, I mean I can envision it as if it was happening me to me.

I checked out the link you provided and clicked on the video- I have to say your voice is really powerful. Have you read aloud in front of an audience before? It's like you'd fit right into one of those poetry slams. I was really feeling it, just because your voice amplified the poem itself.

It's just awesome. I will try and purchases your book when I am able to. :D

You wouldn't happen to have a youtube account, would you? I would really love to hear/see you read poems more!
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