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inspirational by Hellrebel

Written by MaraJayne95

Poetry and Lit by llombard17

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Submitted on
October 9, 2012
File Size
1.1 KB


139 (who?)

I'm Almost There

Strung out
Resentfully sober
Drunk with rage

Broken down
Bi-polar oppressor
Twisting my face

They say...
They say...
They say the prison is here to save us

To cage...
To cage...
To cage my thoughts that are dangerous
Weeping for the hollowed
Can't live through tomorrow

My pride I swallowed
And I put on cold smile

My choice is my own
An addiction to being hurt

I want help, but I don't
I wanna change, but I won't

I have too many dark secrets
Flowing in my veins of concrete

This is what they've done to me
The product I like to call "a perfect tragedy."
Blank stare
Too peaceful
Syncing with blame

A mirror
So pitiful
Soon to break

I said...
I said...
I said it's too late

I want...
I want...
I want it to end this way
The shards have fallen
The will to exist is broken
To elaborate on this, please read the the
first one of the volume, they feed off of
each other -

"like" my facebook poetry page if you enjoy my work.
--> [link]
Stock image - [link] by :iconbrainpuke:
This poem is written for my project, titled-
"Broken Wings Unbound: I'm Falling Down, I'm Soaring Now"
In volume three: Tragic Truth
Check out my galleries below if you want to read more.
Watch me if you think that you might like my work.
:iconchainoflies: :iconfeardomized: :iconhollowedsky:
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Thanks yet again for an invitation to critique your poetry :)

I must say something before I begin your critique. You were one of my very first critique request, and I can't express how much I appreciate you giving me a chance even though I was still the new girl on the block <3 Very Very much appreciate it!

Lets start with your title. It seems to be sending the message of hope which makes me believe that this installment is nearing an end. Rather unfortunate because this is such a lovely piece :) However, your title may give the illusion of hope, but your poem says otherwise. Tricky Tricky...

Your imagery is once again very vivid! Dark secrets flowing from within, someone else begging to be let out- the cage. At first I believed you were talking of prison. However, that didn't go with your topic at all. I have come to the conclusion the ever constricting cage is yourself. Beautiful. Something everyone can relate too! In fact I have written a poem of similar thoughts myself. I can guarantee we all feel this way at some point or another. Way to connect with the audience. And because it isn't preciesly pinpointed on what you are talking about it leaves your poem up for further inspection and keeps it open to more views and connections. Well done!

The short phrases that are repeated and bolded seem to echo of the panicked conflicted voice locked from within. Yet, this didn't have as great of an impact on me as the first installment of this series did.

However, I believe this poem is still ingenious and reflective of a genuine soul. Thanks again for the honor; I'd love to read the next piece :)

Keep on writting my friend.

May the odds be ever in your favor
What do you think?
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2 out of 2 deviants thought this was fair.

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COLOREDINLOVE Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You know how I feel... I have come on the journey with you and it seems that you are in a place in your life where the torment and pain are still there but you are going to try and fight for yourself to make it through this and it is reflected in your words..thoughts...thinking you are worth the fight is the first step..I do!!
SurvivingNights Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You have been on this journey, and I'm surprised you stayed! You're only one of the few. <3
COLOREDINLOVE Featured By Owner Oct 16, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
How can I jump ship now?? You have taught me a lot about how to overcome and triumph during the darkest days and finding the silver lining on the clouds above..Love is a powerful thing..good or will break you and lift you up!! Just promise to keep writing and making those amazing poems...I adore you Eric!!! Hope all your dreams come true!!:love::iconrbheartplz:
crazyDocJake Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2012
Excellent imagery
SurvivingNights Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm glad you felt that way about this one, I just loved how this poem turned out, it's kind of a new style to me...weird...but I like it :) Plus the cover art turned out better than expected :P
erco71 Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
wow....:love: :+fav:
SurvivingNights Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you, I'm happy that you liked it. :D
erco71 Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
my pleasure hun:)
dumbplum66 Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
I can't explain how perfect this is, please never stop writing. :meow:
SurvivingNights Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I will try my best not to :P
Thank you for your kind words, it means a lot to me right now. <3
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